(Dr Hobbitlove arrives at the house of Linaewen) Knock, knock, knock (the door opens)Mr. Linaewen: Oh, Dr. Hobbitlove, I’m so glad you could make it. Come right this way.
(the two walk to the computer room in the Linaewen houshold)
Mr. Lin: Dr., she’s been like this all night. I don’t know what to do.
(Linaewen is slumped over at the computer, hands still on keyboard)
Dr. Hobbitlove: Hmmm, I’ve been seeing a lot of this lately. Seems to be some kind of epidemic.
Dr. HL (to Lin): Linaewen? (Lin just lifts head up but continues to stare blankly at the screen mumbling something about silver trumpets) Linaewen, can you hear me?
Linaewen: Gondor needs no King!
Dr. HL: Uh huh.
Mr. Lin: What? What is it?
Dr. HL: I can’t be sure yet. I have to do a few more tests. (to Lin) Now Lin, look at me. I want you to say the first thing that comes into your head when I say these words. (Lin nods slowliy, while still staring at the screen) Ring...
Lin: It could have been mine.
Dr. HL: Hobbit...
Lin: The little ones, they took the little ones!
Dr. HL: Family...
Lin: Faramir!
Dr. HL: Bird...
Lin: Merry! Pippin! Hide!
Dr. HL (shakes head): It’s just as I feared.
Mr. Lin: What? Dr. Please tell me what it is.
Dr. HL: Boromiritis.
Mr. Lin (shocked): Oh no! not that!
Dr. HL: Yes, I’m afraid so. This is a particularly bad case. I’ve only seen a couple as bad as this. There was one case up in Canada that was really bad. Lady had to be taken from the computer by force and made to eat and sleep. It was really quite shocking. Then there was that Oregon case...(whistles) The keyboard had to be surgically removed from her hands. Very sad. One lady, a (looks at planner) Shelob...we tried to trick her away from her computer by telling her the house was on fire...she just said "What is this new devilry" and went back to her computer.
Mr. Lin: So what do we do?
Dr. HL: Well, the prescription I’ve been giving the others which seems to be working is to stay away from the computer for at least a day, in this case though, I’d recommend a week. The severity of this case warrants that kind of drastic approach, I’m afraid. I’ve also been recommending that while they’re away from the computer they read the Return of the King.
Mr. Lin: Well, my wife has been reading FOTR a lot lately, is that ok?
Dr. HL: NOO!! Don’t you see, that book is full of Boromir! That’s the problem. Return of the King is the book. She could read the Two Towers too, but not the first chapter. Have her stay away from the first chapter!
Mr. Lin: I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to do it Dr. She does love to write. I don’t know if I can stop her.
Linaewen (under her breath having slumped back down): They have a cave troll.
Dr. HL (sigh): Then you have to get her to write limericks about Hobbits. Sam, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, it doesn’t matter. Even poems about Bilbo would be ok. Better actually as he has no contact to speak of with Boromir. She could write stories about Elves or Dwarves too if she’d rather, but you must not allow her to write stories or poems about Boromir for at least a week and then after that, slowly let her go back. This is a very dangerous thing we’re dealing with. It’s all over the country and spreading like wildfire. I’m just not sure if we’ll be able to contain it.
Mr. Lin: Well, thank you Dr. I appreciate you coming out here. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get her into the office with that computer attached to her. You’ve been a great help.
Dr. HL: Glad to do it. Well, I must go. I have three other patients to see who seem to be having the same problem. Let me know how it goes. Goodbye.
Linaewen (from the computer room): I would have followed you, my brother, my captain, my king.
(Dr. Hobbitlove exits the Linaewen household on her way to her next housecall) Let’s see, who’s next. Dandy, then Varda. Phew! This is going to be a busy day.